I must admit that I have an addiction of my own — and that is books. They’re stacked in every room of my home and I’m always in the process of reading several at a time. I personally prefer self-help and motivational writings. Every book that I bring home is like a little treasure of inspiration. I get excited about learning something new, gaining some new insight, or seeing things in a different light. Many of these books I’ve read several times over, and I always catch something new with each reading.

You might prefer fiction with its endless possibilities of romance, comedy, mystery, and suspense. These books can also be saviors. They have the power to pull you out of depression, take you to exotic lands, transport you back into time, send you off to another planet, and pull you away from your problems for a while.

With October being National Book Month, now is a perfect time to celebrate your own love of books. Visit your local bookstore and pick up something of interest — bookstores definitely need our support right now! When was the last time you went to the library? What an incredible resource these are! How about writing a letter or email to your favorite author telling them how much their writing has meant to you. 

I’m currently reading The Success Principles by Jack Canfield — Wow, what a great collection of insight and inspiration! So here’s to books, their authors, and the power of the written word!

Over the course of nearly two decades, I had tried everything I could think of to scare, manipulate, or force Dean to get clean, but my attempts always failed. It was only after I turned my focus inward that everything changed. I now realize that I had played a part in the power addiction had over my family. Once I learned how to detach with love, focus on my own goals, and set healthy boundaries, Dean was finally able to gather the courage to accept help. Had I not taken healthy steps of my own, I’m not sure where we’d be today.

Thankfully, I don’t have to ponder that question, because we are celebrating recovery. While life isn’t perfect, and we are facing new challenges, we are stronger because of the battle we’ve fought. In many ways we are lucky, because our eyes have been opened to the simple joys in life. I am thankful for the smaller problems we face today (debt, struggling business, car troubles), these are a piece of cake compared to the problems we had faced in the past.

While recovery is one day at a time, my family is proof that recovery is possible. Addiction can be managed, and the addict can go on to live a productive and healthy life. Today I celebrate having Sunday off with my family, enjoying the beautiful weather outside, spending time with my grown son and his new girlfriend, taking an afternoon nap with my husband (as soon as I finish this post), and of course, I celebrate recovery!

Addiction may require repeated treatments for long-term abstinence to be achieved. This is a hard reality for families to face. Once we convince the addict to go into treatment, we may feel a wave of relief. We think that finally the nightmare is over and life can go back to normal. But we must be careful not to hold unrealistic expectations from treatment. There is no cure for addiction. For the addict, and for those who choose to stand by him or her, recovery can be a lifelong battle.

Once your loved one accepts treatment, it is important to be prepared for the possibility of relapse. So what can the family do to improve the odds of their loved one’s recovery?

1. Get educated on addiction and the recovery process. It’s difficult to help another person if you don’t understand the problem. This includes understanding what your role has been in enabling him or her.
2. Provide a sober environment. If alcohol, prescription drugs, or illegal drugs are available in the home, the odds of staying clean are slim to none. The entire household must be abstinent.
3. Seek support for your own physical and emotional health. Each person must put the primary focus on themselves. Support groups like Al-Anon are just as important once the addict goes into treatment. Sobriety can cause new strains on family relationships, and this can be a challenging time for everyone. The healthiest way to handle these changes is for each person to stay focused on his or her own path.
4. Support your loved one’s involvement in continuing care. It is not uncommon for family member’s to grow jealous of the recovering addict’s commitment to their recovery program, such as AA. Families must not forget that this is an extremely important part of their loved one’s recovery.
5. Work on forgiveness. While it’s true that trust is earned, we can easily push the addict back into old patterns if we’re still holding onto resentment and punishing him or her for past mistakes.

Addict’s seem to get the concept of “one day at a time”, but families tend to struggle with this. We want a contract, a promise, or a guarantee of a perfect future. We want the Norman Rockwell painting, but that is a lot of pressure to put onto our loved ones. To expect their sobriety to solve all of our problems, and make the entire family whole, is a tall order. The addict must take their recovery “one day at a time”, and families can learn to do the same.

Although recovery can be a rough road, it does not mean that relapse is inevitable. In fact, a promising statistic is that over half of the people who get treatment eventually reach a state of sustained recovery. But it is important to understand just how vulnerable the recovering addict can be, even after years of sobriety.

While none of us chose this path consciously, a deeper love exists for the families that make it to the other side. In many ways we are lucky, because our eyes get opened to the simple joys in life that others may take for granted. The sound of laughter in our household becomes music. A Sunday afternoon together doing absolutely nothing is bliss. There is a bond that can only come from surviving a battle together. It is stronger and more profound than can ever be imagined. There is hope for our families. There is life after addiction.

After almost two decades of living with an addict, my own mental health had been affected. As my husband’s addiction grew more and more out of control, I gathered the courage to visit a twelve-step family recovery meeting. I discovered that I had formed the patterns of codependency.

I began to read anything I could get my hands on about codependency. I learned what detachment meant, what my role had been in enabling my husband, and the importance of focusing on my own life. But regardless of how much I learned, I couldn’t seem to overcome the negative patterns that had formed. I just kept doing the same old things over and over again. It was like a bad habit that I couldn’t break.

I then came across a section of books in the library that taught the tools of affirmations and visualization. The ideas shared in these books intrigued me, and I started to try them out for myself. I immediately loved the practice of repeating affirmations, and my mind latched on to them like much-needed nourishment. It was amazing how quickly my frame of mind began to improve.

Through the tools of affirmations and visualization, my self-esteem grew strong. For many years I had lost touch with my own inner strength, but that changed. I came to realize that there was a power greater than addiction, and that power was myself¾ the power within me.

I had finally found the missing piece. It is one thing to have knowledge, but having the strength to follow through on what you know is right, is something else all together. It’s like being on a diet and knowing that you should order the side of broccoli, but you end up ordering the French fries instead. It isn’t until you find the inner strength to say “no” to the French fries, that positive changes start to take place.

Although my husband was still using, I was no longer consumed by his problems. I encouraged him to get professional help and he slowly became more receptive. But each time he got close to admitting himself into treatment, he would get scared and back out.

For the first time in our marriage I was able to set healthy boundaries, and I gave him an ultimatum¾ either he went into treatment or I was leaving him. I’m sure he thought I was bluffing, but this time I was ready to follow through. He chose not to go. The next morning I left with my son and moved into my father’s home.

Leaving was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but I stayed strong and refused to return home unless he went into treatment. Close to one month later, he was ready to surrender and get help. He admitted himself into a three month in-patient program. He emerged from treatment healthy and strong and with a new outlook on life. It has now been over five years and we are enjoying a healthy marriage together.

I discovered that the family really can make a difference. You don’t have to wait for the person suffering with addiction to be ready¾ that day may never come. You can open the doorway to recovery and lead the way.

For myself, recovery from co-addiction came in three distinct stages. I call these the pieces to the recovery puzzle:

Piece #1 – Gain knowledge about addiction. It’s difficult to help another person if you don’t understand the problem. This includes understanding what your role has been in enabling the addict in your life. If you were told that your child had diabetes you would learn everything you could about the disease. You would arm yourself with knowledge. You would stop buying sugary snacks, and you would probably make a lot of changes as a family in order to help your child with his or her battle. Like diabetes, addiction is a disease. By learning as much about addiction as possible, families can help their loved ones to recovery.

Piece #2 – Reach out for help. Because of the stigma attached to addiction, families often keep the problems a secret. But by keeping the addiction a secret, we are only further enabling the disease. You deserve all of the help and support you can get. I urge you to turn to the people you trust, and let them help to lift your load. Look for the people in your life who have always been there for you and loved you unconditionally.

There are also countless support groups available to turn to. One of the best forms of support, for those of us involved with an addict, is Al-Anon. What better group of people to turn to for comfort and support than those who are living with the same struggles? The most important thing is to break out of your isolation. Spending time outside of the addictive environment is crucial to your well-being. A support group can be any group of people who encourage your positive growth. Look for opportunities to spend time with people who are positive and leave you feeling good about yourself.

Piece #3 – Harness you inner strength. What is inner strength? It is the power inside that pushes you to action even when you’re scared, that allows other peoples’ behaviors and comments to roll off your back no matter how hurtful they may be, that gives you the willpower to accomplish your goals regardless of how large they are. Inner strength comes from having a close connection to your spirit.

The more in tune you are to the voice inside of you, the stronger you will be. People call that inner voice many different things: intuition, Higher Power, God, or you may call it something else altogether. It doesn’t matter what you name it, as long as you build a close relationship to it. There are countless ways to build your inner strength¾ here are just some of the tools I used: meditation, affirmations, visualization, and prayer.

This last piece proved to be the most important for me. While I had been learning about addiction for some time, and visiting recovery groups, it wasn’t until I tapped into my inner strength that I was able to make a full recovery from codependency. Once my husband realized that I was no longer a partner in his disease, he was left with the options of accepting help, or progressing in his disease alone. Thankfully, he made the choice to get help.

While addiction is a cunning disease, and could always rear its ugly head again, our family is now healing. After nearly twenty years of addiction I had my doubts, but I now know that recovery is possible. While none of us chose this path consciously, a deeper love exists for the families that make is to the other side. There is hope for our families. There is life after addiction.

An Al-anon opening reading says; “living with an alcoholic is just too much for most of us.” That seemed to be an understatement to me at first. This illness effects everyone that is remotely connected to the problem drinker. It is a relentless bombardment of negativity that may cause people involved to lose themselves in the process of interacting with a problem drinker.

Since my first alcoholism support group meeting over thirteen years ago, I’ve attended thousands more. In the process, I’ve attained an enumerable amount of methods of handling dysfunctional relationships that work. Like most of us, I’ve been effected by people with drinking problems for the majority of my life.

Below are a few guaranteed ways of reducing anxiety, stress, depression and fear levels associated with living with someone suffering from the disease of alcoholism.

Avoid Major Issues: Never discuss serious matters with them when they are intoxicated. If someone you know just came out from having a major operation and was under the affects of a sedative, you would not try to talk to them about real-life issues, would you? Of course not! Well, there’s really no difference between that scenario and someone being drunk.

Refuse to Fight: Avoid fighting with them at all costs. It’s pointless to go around and around with them having heated discussions. These type situations are what alcoholics feed on. For some reason many of them love to argue.

There are very specific methods that you can use to avoid having disagreements with them. One way is by not reacting to the things they may say about you that you know are not true. Oftentimes we feel a need to defend our character because of a false statement they have made about us. When we do react, this usually just adds fuel to the fire. Just say something like; “that’s your opinion” and then say nothing else. That’s one of many responses that I use that really work well.

Take Care Not to Get Entangled Too Much: Be very careful to not become overly obsessed with their behaviors. This is something that happens over time when living with alcoholics. It’s rather easy to get so FOCUSED on everything they are doing that we miss out on enjoying our own lives. There are many ways to break this habit of always wondering what they are doing. For starters, try doing some things that you enjoy for a change. This will help you get your mind off of them.

Those are just a few of literally thousands of ways to reduce the stress and anxiety levels associated with living with an active alcoholic. It doesn’t matter if the person you are being affected by is your spouse, friend, child, or co-worker, these methods work for all types of dysfunctional relationships.

It’s possible to live with a problem drinker and be happy, joyous and free. I know this for a fact because I’ve done it on more than one occasion. The fear, stress, worry, depression, and anxiety you are experiencing can be overcome.

Here’s the thing, the alcoholic is not going to stop drinking until they decide to make changes on their own. To save yourself form letting them have damaging effects on your life, you will need to change the way you are interacting with them. This is just a fact of how alcoholic relationships work.

You can continue living with a problem drinker and learn how to enjoy your life to the full, even while they are still drinking. You just need to learn a few more proven ways of handling your life in the midst of interacting with dysfunctional people.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Timothy_G._Odum

Most  women, from the time they were little girls, were raised to be caretakers. We learned early on that we should be sweet, play nice, and put others first. While the boys around us were playing cops and robbers, we were busy playing house. We were taking care of our dolls and cooking dinner for our imaginary husbands. It is no surprise that we then grow up feeling like we have to put everybody’s needs before our own.

It usually takes two incomes to survive financially these days. Yet, when you talk to women who are working full-time, they will usually tell you that they are pulling double duty. While their husbands come home ready to relax for the evening, the women are coming home to start their second shift. Dinner has to be made, dishes washed, homework checked, and laundry for the next day needs to get done.

As women, what are we teaching our children? We must realize that we can’t be good role models if we can’t learn to take care of ourselves. We want our daughters to learn to have self-respect, and we want our sons to learn to treat women well. This starts with the examples that we set.

We may expect that our angelic qualities will eventually pay off for us. We wait for that special day to come when everybody treats us like a queen for being such a giving mom and wife. Then we become bitter as time goes by and that day never comes.　

When my son was small, I used to take him to the library every week. One of the books on the suggested reading list was The Giving Tree, a short story written by Shel Silverstein. It was written in 1964, but is still popular today. I checked out the book, and that night we climbed into bed to read the story.

It was a story about the relationship between a little boy and a tree. The boy would eat the tree’s apples and swing from her branches, which made the tree happy. But as the boy grew older, he wanted more and more from the tree. In order to make the boy happy, the tree ends up giving the boy all of her apples to sell, all of her branches to build a house, and eventually her trunk to build a boat and sail away. As long as the boy was happy, the tree was happy too.

At the end of the story, the boy, now an old man, returns to the tree who has nothing left but her stump. She feels bad because she has nothing left to give. She ends up offering her stump for the old man to sit on, which in turn makes her happy.

When I finished reading the story I remember thinking, that is one codependent tree. I was unsure of the message intended. Was the author trying to teach our children that this is what love is all about?

While I did not find it to be a good example of love or of giving, the story stuck with me, and I do think it has a great lesson attached to it — if you give and give of yourself, without ever asking for or expecting anything in return, eventually you will be nothing but a dead old stump.

As women we deserve to be pampered. You don’t have to wait for an outside source to give you what you deserve. When you start treating yourself as special, you will then be teaching the other people in your life how to treat you. This doesn’t mean that you are supposed to become a self-centered prima donna. But you will find that when you start giving yourself the attention you deserve, your self-esteem flourishes.

What do you consider pampering? Have you always dreamed of being treated to a hot stone massage? Is the idea of having your own personal trainer appealing to you? Is enjoying brunch with close friends at an outdoor more your style? If you could enjoy pampering in any way that you desire, what would it be?

Now what’s stopping you? Is it money? If so, then it’s time to start your own pampering fund. Every chance you get, keep adding to your fund until there is enough money to treat yourself. It is amazing how quickly loose change can add up! Just be careful to keep your pampering fund somewhere safe unless you want your money disappearing before you ever get the chance to use it.

There are also tons of inexpensive ways to feel pampered without ever having to worry about money. Here are some ideas for pampering without breaking the bank:

-Give yourself an at-home manicure and pedicure. You can even have a pampering party. Get your friends together and take turns polishing each others nails. Each person can bring their supplies, and you can have fun trying out the different products.

-Turn your bath time into a spa experience. Play some soft music. Light a few candles. Make yourself a “Do Not Disturb” sign, and tell your family that you are to be left alone for the next hour. As you lie in your bath, imagine that the warm water is melting away all of your cares, leaving you peaceful and radiant.

-While washing your hair, give yourself a relaxing head massage just like they do in the salons. Work up a good lather, pretend your hands belong to somebody else, and enjoy as you rub your scalp, neck, and shoulders. What an easy way to pamper yourself every day.

-Get a free makeover at the department store. This is a great idea, as long as you are not person who gets sold easily. Their job is to sell you the products. You should set yourself a budget (perhaps twenty dollars) to spend on one of the products — this should alleviate any guilt.

-Barter services. Perhaps you know a massage therapist. Is there a service you provide that you can barter with? Babysitting services are always a great swap. Maybe you can watch her kids on a Saturday night if she will give you a massage on Sunday. The same thing works great for hairstylists, or any other beauty service you can think of.

-Have a potluck with your friends and enjoy an afternoon of eating and sharing each others company. You can even spend the day at a park. That way nobody feels that they have to play host.

Don’t lose sight of the simple ways to pamper every day, such as taking a few minutes to meditate or sit in silence, allowing yourself some time to read, or going to bed an hour early in order to get some extra rest. Make it a point each and every day to do something that is just for you. Something meant to feed your own spirit and soul.

Putting yourself at the top of the list may feel uncomfortable at first. Maybe you can’t even remember the last time you did something just for you. The important thing is to start taking steps toward this new attitude. Taking care of yourself is not just about pampering yourself physically, it is about treating yourself with the respect that you deserve. As you do, the people in your life will follow suit.

Don’t make the mistake of living you life in a supporting role. Our time here is fleeting. If you put your own desires aside, waiting for the right timing, your chance for personal fulfillment may come and go. This is your life. You are in the leading role. It is time to live it like the star that you are!

For those families who live with addiction, however, the holidays can be a challenging time. Not knowing what to expect from the addict can leave family members on edge. Because the problem is often kept quiet, the anxiety of the secret being exposed causes even further stress. Many times, family members will avoid social functions out of their fear of shame or embarrassment.

To make matters worse, alcoholic beverages are usually a mainstay at holiday gatherings. If a family member has an alcohol dependency, this causes yet another strain. The person with the alcohol dependency is left feeling like a child being watched, and the family members are unable to relax out of their fear of their loved one losing control. It’s no wonder that holiday arguments are a common theme for families dealing with addiction.

So how do you enjoy the holidays when there is an active addict in your life? Following are some tips for overcoming the anxiety and finding some peace this season:

Tip #1 – Take care of yourself. The holidays can get stressful, even without the issues of addiction. When you add in the problems that surround the addict, the stress can become overwhelming. Schedule in time just for yourself. You have a right to enjoy the season, and in order to do that you many need to distance yourself from the addict in your life. This doesn’t make you a bad parent, family member, or friend. In fact, this can be a wake up call for the addict — a reminder that the world does not revolve around him or her. Take time every day to relax, go shopping, exercise, take a long bath, meditate, or whatever activity helps you to feel peaceful and content.

Tip #2 – Learn about addiction and the challenges surrounding your loved one. It can be difficult to sympathize with the addict when they continue to make bad decisions. We just can’t understand why he or she won’t stop using or drinking. To the family, it seems that the addict just doesn’t care enough to quit. Resentment can easily build. Unfortunately, the addict’s brain is no longer functioning normally. Repeated drug use disrupts the systems in the brain, eventually causing a one-track mission to seek out more drugs. The addicted brain believes it needs the drugs or alcohol in order to survive. It isn’t simply a matter of willpower. Once we understand this, we can look for ways to help the addict to treatment, and stop taking their behavior personally.

Tip #3 – Stay focused on your own recovery. Although time restraints can tempt family members to skip recovery meetings, now, more than ever, it is important to take advantage of support groups. If you haven’t gotten involved in Al-Anon, or other recovery groups, this is an ideal time. Through these groups, loved ones of addicts can share their experience, struggles, and hope, in order to gain strength and solve their common problems.

Tip#4 – Let go of past resentments. Much of the stress that family members feel is due to the bad memories of past holidays. Rather than holding onto resentment, and expecting the same negative outcome, learn from the past. Some family traditions may need to change. For example, maybe it would be best for your family to go out for the holiday dinner. Wine and other alcoholic beverages should probably be left out of the plans. Perhaps a new tradition of going around the table, and each person sharing what they are grateful for this year, would be a nice way of keeping the atmosphere positive.

Tip #5 – Don’t hold your expectations too high. We all want the picture perfect holiday, but in reality, nothing is ever perfect. Every family has it’s challenges. Statistically, addiction affects one in four people. You are not alone. It’s time for families to open up and learn from each other. This is why family recovery meetings like Al-Anon are so important. Make smart changes to your family traditions in order to make the holidays less stressful. And, most importantly, relax and enjoy the good times. If we are constantly looking for a crisis to happen, it will likely show up. If, on the other hand, we work on being positive, and stay in a grateful state of mind, we are more likely to enjoy this holiday season.

As the wife of a recovering addict, it always seemed that the addiction would get worse during the holidays. In reality, the addiction wasn’t getting worse, but my stress revolved around the addiction would intensify. For weeks before a family gathering, I would worry about the outcome. Every time my husband would slip, my fear of our holiday being ruined by addiction would overwhelm me. Because I kept his addiction a secret for many years, my fear of the rest of our family finding out was just another reason to worry.

Once I opened up to family members, and started reaching out for help, a world of weight was lifted from my shoulders. I encourage you to reach out to the people who care about you, and let them help to lift your load. Learn to take care of yourself and relax a bit. And, most importantly, don’t take the holidays too seriously. It is a time to have fun and to be grateful. Regardless of whether or not there is an active addict in your life, you can still create happy memories and enjoy this holiday season.

Yesterday afternoon I was in my car, and a song that I hadn’t heard since I was a kid came on the radio. I was surprised that I could remember every word. Where had I been storing that? I started thinking about how amazing the mind is. It houses all of the memories of our past, and then, as quickly as hearing the tune of a song, can retrieve them as though they happened yesterday.

The mind is responsible for so many things¾ memory, creativity, imagination, dreaming, problem solving, and so much more. The mind can also have a dark side though. When it’s allowed to run wild, it can start to work against you, causing paranoia, shame, guilt, worry, and fear.

While fear has its purpose, most fear is falsely based. If we allow it, the mind can go off on its own tangents. Take, for example, preparing to give a speech. During times like this, it is common to start imagining all sorts of negative things. Instead of picturing the perfect speech, your mind starts imagining anything and everything that could possibly go wrong. You imagine yourself tripping and falling on the way to the podium, stumbling over your words, and looking like a fool. It’s no wonder so many people suffer from stage freight.

Most of us were never taught that we have control over our thinking. We go through our lives believing that our thoughts and feelings are just a result of what is happening around us. We assume that they are an automatic response.

To become more aware of your current mental focus, ask yourself the following questions:

• What things do you tend to think about the most?
• Are there certain thoughts that keep you up at night?
• Are you more aware of what you have, or what you are lacking?
• What habits do you have?
• How much time do you spend thinking about each of these habits?
• Do your thoughts tend to focus more on the negative or the positive?

Use your answers to these questions as a guideline for where you may need to make some changes. While it would be impossible to control every thought that goes through your mind, you do have control over your thinking. You choose whether to think positively or negatively. You decide whether to see the glass half-full or half-empty. You make the choice whether to be fearful or hopeful for the best possible outcome.

Our minds are constantly going. Most of the time we are unaware of how much clatter goes on. Your mind is like a hyperactive child who’s constantly bored and looking for something to keep it busy. Why not give it a game to play? Affirmations are the perfect game!

The mind likes to repeat things. The good news is that you have control over what it repeats. By coming up with some positive affirmations, and repeating them during the times when your mind tends to wander the most, you will be teaching your mind a new healthy habit. They say that spoiled children actually desire some discipline. Well, your mind is like that spoiled child, and it will thrive in its new positive environment.

What kind of life do you want to lead from here on out? What changes need to be made to create that life? Now design the affirmations that will keep you focused on those changes. Here are some guidelines to follow when designing your affirmations:

• They should be written and spoken in the present tense, I am, I have, or I feel. If you use words that express that you are hoping for something, or that something is on its way, then you are only creating more hoping and waiting.
• Keep them positive. For example, don’t say, I am no longer tired all of the time. Instead say, I am full of vibrant energy all day long.
• It can be helpful to create an affirmation rhyme or jingle. This makes it attractive to your mind.
• It’s good to say your affirmations out loud as often as you can. This helps to give them a strong voice.
• Have faith in your affirmations. You can only achieve your desires once you believe that they are possible.

Make affirmations a part of your daily ritual. For example, you can repeat your affirmations daily in the shower, on your way to work, or while you’re doing the dishes. As your mind learns this new game, you will probably catch it repeating your affirmations when you aren’t even trying. You are teaching it a new healthy habit!

So let your mind have fun. Teach it the game of affirmations and you will be rewarded with higher self-esteem, a positive outlook, and a healthy mind!

Have you taken on the patterns of codependency in your own life? Answer the following questions in order to discover the answer:

1. Do you have difficulty sleeping at night because you’re worrying about the addict?

2. Do you feel as though you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?

3. Do you take on many of the addict’s responsibilities?

4. Do you constantly threaten to leave the addict, or kick him or her out, but you never follow through?

5. Do you fantasize about something bad happening to the addict, and then feel guilty?

6. Do you fall for the same lies over and over again?

7. Are you suffering financial difficulty due to the addiction?

8. Do you feel tired much of the time?

9. Do you avoid social functions out of the fear of shame or embarrassment?

10. Do you avoid doing things away from home because you want to keep an eye on the addict?

11. Are you losing or gaining too much weight?

12. Do you sometimes feel out of control?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then the patterns of codependency are affecting your life. The more “yes” answers, the deeper the patterns. You owe it to yourself to start letting go and detaching from the problems surrounding addiction.

While it may seem like a difficult feat, it is possible to detach from the problems of addiction. Yes, you are in a relationship with an addict, but in order to love him or her you do not need to stay in the storm. You can rise above the dark clouds. You can serve as an example of health and happiness. Not only is it possible, but it is the best thing that you can do for yourself and the addict.

So what are the steps for moving forward? The first, and probably most important step is to reach out for help. You don’t have to do this alone. Aside from family and friends, there are countless forms of support available. Some examples are family support groups such as Al-Anon, your church, a counselor, or a personal coach.

If you’ve never visited an Al-Anon meeting before, then now is the time to give it a try. What better group of people to turn to for comfort and support than those who are living with the same struggles? Through Al-Anon you will learn the tools for recovery. There are also countless books available that teach these tools.

It is your right to be living a happy and healthy life. When you become consumed with the addict, and the problems surrounding their addiction, you are no longer living your own life. Instead you are living for the addict. As a result, your physical and emotional health can suffer.

You are here to live your own life. You deserve to have, be, and do everything that you want — and you can. The addict is not holding you back. The only person in control of your life is you. You are offered endless options every day and you make the choices. Choose happiness!

Until the day that I woke up and saw things clearly.  That day, it was as if I had awoken with a new set of eyes.  I realized that I was not trapped in the storm – it was an illusion.  I was ready to enjoy the sunlight again, so I started my journey out of the dark clouds.

I have a friend who is feeling trapped as I once did.  Her life is in turmoil due to the problems surrounding an alcoholic husband.  She  is having difficulty seeing things clearly.  Right now, she is too caught up in the chaos, to see through the clouds.  I want to help her to find her way out, but she just doesn’t seem to be ready yet.

I’m reminded that it’s time to let go.  I’ve encouraged her to visit Al-Anon, I’ve shared my own stories with her, and I’ve made it clear that I’m available if she needs me, but this is her journey – not mine.  It’s difficult, however, to watch a friend go through the same pain that I did.  I want to save her.

I must remember that finding my way out of the storm taught me my greatest lessons.  There was no easy way out – it was an evolutionary process.  As I grew, and evolved, the clouds parted.  It is time for my friend to learn her own lessons and grow.  I will hold faith that she will find her way; I will stay close by in case she reaches out to take my hand; I will set a positive example, but I will also let go and let God.

The Serenity Prayer:  God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.