I wanted to share an activity from this book that can be helpful to those of us who love an addict. The activity is called: The divine in every person.  Here’s the activity:

For one week, make a conscious practice of seeing the unfolding of an aspect of  God (or spirit or love) in each person, regardless of the encounter. Let go of your judgements about what is “normal” or appropriate, and allow each situation to stand on its own, offering its particular gift.  You will probably have experiences in which the divine is fully expressed and felt, and others in which fear, anger, or some other reactionary feeling blocks the possibility of divine expression. They are all a part of the daily human experience.

At the end of each day, reflect on your experiences or encounters and see what each has to teach you about the essence of divinity, and how divinity moves in your midst.

After reading this last night, it struck me how often we judge the addict. Is it possible, for one week, to let go of all judgement, and only see the God, spirit, or love in them? How might that feel? We are each imperfect human beings trying to make our way — can we learn to accept this and see the love shining through him or her, instead of holding each person up to a standard? 

It’s only a one week commitment. I think its worth a try.

Have a wonderful week!

For those families who live with addiction, however, the holidays can be a challenging time. Not knowing what to expect from the addict can leave family members on edge. Because the problem is often kept quiet, the anxiety of the secret being exposed causes even further stress. Many times, family members will avoid social functions out of their fear of shame or embarrassment.

To make matters worse, alcoholic beverages are usually a mainstay at holiday gatherings. If a family member has an alcohol dependency, this causes yet another strain. The person with the alcohol dependency is left feeling like a child being watched, and the family members are unable to relax out of their fear of their loved one losing control. It’s no wonder that holiday arguments are a common theme for families dealing with addiction.

So how do you enjoy the holidays when there is an active addict in your life? Following are some tips for overcoming the anxiety and finding some peace this season:

Tip #1-  Take care of yourself. The holidays can get stressful, even without the issues of addiction. When you add in the problems that surround the addict, the stress can become overwhelming. Schedule in time just for yourself. You have a right to enjoy the season, and in order to do that you many need to distance yourself from the addict in your life. This doesn’t make you a bad parent, family member, or friend. In fact, this can be a wake up call for the addict — a reminder that the world does not revolve around him or her. Take time every day to relax, go shopping, exercise, take a long bath, meditate, or whatever activity helps you to feel peaceful and content.

Tip #2 – Learn about addiction and the challenges surrounding your loved one. It can be difficult to sympathize with the addict when they continue to make bad decisions. We just can’t understand why he or she won’t stop using or drinking. To the family, it seems that the addict just doesn’t care enough to quit. Resentment can easily build. Unfortunately, the addict’s brain is no longer functioning normally. Repeated drug use disrupts the systems in the brain, eventually causing a one-track mission to seek out more drugs. The addicted brain believes it needs the drugs or alcohol in order to survive. It isn’t simply a matter of willpower. Once we understand this, we can look for ways to help the addict to treatment, and stop taking their behavior personally.

Tip #3 – Stay focused on your own recovery. Although time restraints can tempt family members to skip recovery meetings, now, more than ever, it is important to take advantage of support groups. If you haven’t gotten involved in Al-Anon, or other recovery groups, this is an ideal time. Through these groups, loved ones of addicts can share their experience, struggles, and hope, in order to gain strength and solve their common problems.

Tip #4 – Let go of past resentments. Much of the stress that family members feel is due to the bad memories of past holidays. Rather than holding onto resentment, and expecting the same negative outcome, learn from the past. Some family traditions may need to change. For example, maybe it would be best for your family to go out for the holiday dinner. Wine and other alcoholic beverages should probably be left out of the plans. Perhaps a new tradition of going around the table, and each person sharing what they are grateful for this year, would be a nice way of keeping the atmosphere positive.

Tip #5 – Don’t hold your expectations too high. We all want the picture perfect holiday, but in reality, nothing is ever perfect. Every family has it’s challenges. Statistically, addiction affects one in four people. You are not alone. It’s time for families to open up and learn from each other. This is why family recovery meetings like Al-Anon are so important. Make smart changes to your family traditions in order to make the holidays less stressful. And, most importantly, relax and enjoy the good times. If we are constantly looking for a crisis to happen, it will likely show up. If, on the other hand, we work on being positive, and stay in a grateful state of mind, we are more likely to enjoy this holiday season.

As the wife of a recovering addict, it always seemed that the addiction would get worse during the holidays. In reality, the addiction wasn’t getting worse, but my stress revolved around the addiction would intensify. For weeks before a family gathering, I would worry about the outcome. Every time my husband would slip, my fear of our holiday being ruined by addiction would overwhelm me. Because I kept his addiction a secret for many years, my fear of the rest of our family finding out was just another reason to worry.

Once I opened up to family members, and started reaching out for help, a world of weight was lifted from my shoulders. I encourage you to reach out to the people who care about you, and let them help to lift your load. Learn to take care of yourself and relax a bit. And, most importantly, don’t take the holidays too seriously. It is a time to have fun and to be grateful. Regardless of whether or not there is an active addict in your life, you can still create happy memories and enjoy this holiday season.

For additional articles and resources visit  http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com

The thought of writing a novel so quickly seems impossible (especially if you have a job, kids, or a life), but he has all these things, and is still accomplishing his goal. Yes, his novel may need a lot of editing when he’s done. He will probably make many changes before submitting it for publication. Maybe he will never publish it at all. But, he has always wanted to write a novel, and he will be an official novelist in seventeen more days.

He explained that the whole idea of finishing the novel in thirty days is to force you to push through. You don’t have time to doubt or question your decisions. In order to make the deadline you have to keep moving. It helped me realize how important it can be to set deadlines on our goals.

I think we sometimes hold on to our dreams or goals, saving them for when the timing is right. Maybe that’s really fear keeping us holding on. If we never push ourselves to reach a specific goal, then we can never fail. The dream remains safe and flawless in our minds. But we are living now — today. There will never be a ‘perfect’ time and place. By going after the dream now, what’s the worst that can happen?

Perhaps, deep down inside, we know that by going after the dream, reality will alter it. That there is no perfect future in store. That there will always be challenges, pain, and resistance to face. That these are a part of life along with beauty, love, and joy. But I am thankful for the lesson my friend taught me yesterday — push yourself toward your goals and you will be living your life instead of dreaming about it.

If you haven’t had a chance to read my book, here is a link to read the first chapter: http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com/freechapter.asp

I wish you a Wonderful week!

-Lisa Espich, http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com

October 31^st through November 6^th is National Drug Facts Week

Thanks to the technology of brain scans, scientists are learning more and more about addiction and it’s effects on the brain. Unfortunately, there are still many myths and misunderstandings that surround addiction. In spite of the fact that science is proving addiction to be a brain disease, there remains the notion that addicts are immoral. This belief results in feelings of shame and embarrassment, not only for the addict, but for their families as well.

An estimated 22.2 million Americans struggle with addiction. This is America’s number one health crisis. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or co-worker, it is difficult to find anybody who isn’t somehow effected by the devastation of addiction. Here are some of the facts:

• New statistics show that over 1,800 college students die every year from alcohol related injuries.
• Prescription drug abuse is the most rapidly increasing drug abuse among teens.
• 71%  of illegal drug users are employed.
• Alcoholism causes 500 million lost workdays each year.
• Relapse rates for addiction range between 50percent to 90 percent.
• Half of college students binge drink and/or abuse other drugs, and almost a quarter meet medical criteria for alcohol or drug dependence.
• Roughly 51.9 million people drink alcohol, including 17.1 million who are binge drinkers.
• Studies show that recovering women relapse less often than men. One reason is that women are more likely to take advantage of group counseling.
• In a study of over 1,800 alcohol dependent men and women (Schuckit, M.A.) abstainers were more likely than those who relapsed to have received treatment and to have attended twelve-step meetings.
• 5.7 million (26%) of public school students ages 12 to 17 say that their school is both gang and drug-infected.
• In 2009, more than one third of teens (8.7 million) said they can get prescription drugs to get high within a day; nearly one in five (4.7 million) could get them within an hour.
• Each day more than 13,000 children and teens take their first drink.
• In 2006, alcohol and other drugs were involved in 78 percent of violent crimes.
• For every $100 spent by state governments on substance abuse and addiction, the average spent on prevention treatment and research was $2.38.
• 90% of homeless have alcohol problems.
• Teen girls are more likely than boys to use over-the-counter drugs to get high.
• 85% of websites selling controlled prescription drugs do not require a prescription.
• In 2009, 4.8 million Americans age twelve and older had abused cocaine in any form and one million has abused crack at least once in the year prior to being surveyed.
• One in four Americans will have an alcohol or drug problem at some point in their lives.

It’s time to shatter the myths that revolve around addiction and learn the facts. National Drug Facts week was started by the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), which supports research on the health aspects of drug abuse and addiction. The purpose of this observance week was to provide education to teens around the nation. While the focus is on teens, it is a good time for every person to become better educated on the facts of addiction.

-Lisa Espich, author of “Soaring Above Co-Addiction: Helping your loved one get clean, while creating the life of your dreams.” http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com

Resources for this article: SAMHSA, National Survey on Drug Use and Health, Mcldlan, et.al., 2000. Comparison of Relapse Rates Between Drug Addiction and other Chronic Illnesses, The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University

Who was Enrique Camarena? He was an 11-year veteran of the DEA. In 1985, he was close to unlocking a multi-billion dollar drug pipeline, when he was kidnapped, brutally tortured, and murdered by Mexican drug traffickers. His death shed light on the dangers of drugs and the international scope on the drug trade.

How was Red Ribbon Week started? Shortly after Camarena’s death, Congressman Duncan Hunter and Camarena’s longtime friend Henry Lozano launched “Camarena’s Club” in Calexico, California (Camarena’s hometown). Hundreds of club members pledged to lead drug-free lives to honor the sacrifice made by Special Agent Enrique Camarena. Several state parent organizations then called on community groups to wear ribbons during the last week of October as a symbol of their drug-free commitment.

In 1988, the National Family Partnership (NFP) coordinated the first National Red Ribbon week with President Reagan and First Lady Nancy Reagan serving as honorary chairpersons. According to the NFP, more than 80 million people now participate in Red Ribbon events each year.

Will you wear your Red Ribbon this week? I know I will! Addiction is America’s number one health crisis. I know first hand the devastation that drugs can cause.

The author, Ole Carlson, has an honest and heartfelt style to his writing. I felt as though I spent several hours listening to a close friend share his journey. I learned new tools and gained additional insight and proof that we each have the power to create the life of our dreams.  At 182 pages, it’s the perfect afternoon read. I highly recommend Aspire, and I thank Ole for his inspiring contribution to my library!

Here is a poem, written by poet Linda Ellis, that Ole shares in his book, Aspire. I found myself reading it over several times, so I thought you would enjoy reading it as well:

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak, at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone, from beginning — to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth, and spoke of the following date with tears. Bet he said what mattered most of all, was the dash between those years.

For the dash represents all the time, that she spent alive on earth… And now only those who loved her, know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own: the cars… the house… the cash. What matters is how we live and love, and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard… are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left (you could be at “dash mid-range.”)

If we could just slow down enough, to consider what’s true and real. And always try to understand, the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more. And love the people in our lives, like we never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile… Remembering that this special dash, might only last a little while.

so when your eulogy’s being read, with your life actions to rehash… would you be proud of the things they say, about how you spent your dash?

Have a Wonderful day!

Lisa Espich, author of Soaring Above Co-Addiction

http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com

I must admit that I have an addiction of my own — and that is books. They’re stacked in every room of my home and I’m always in the process of reading several at a time. I personally prefer self-help and motivational writings. Every book that I bring home is like a little treasure of inspiration. I get excited about learning something new, gaining some new insight, or seeing things in a different light. Many of these books I’ve read several times over, and I always catch something new with each reading.

You might prefer fiction with its endless possibilities of romance, comedy, mystery, and suspense. These books can also be saviors. They have the power to pull you out of depression, take you to exotic lands, transport you back into time, send you off to another planet, and pull you away from your problems for a while.

With October being National Book Month, now is a perfect time to celebrate your own love of books. Visit your local bookstore and pick up something of interest — bookstores definitely need our support right now! When was the last time you went to the library? What an incredible resource these are! How about writing a letter or email to your favorite author telling them how much their writing has meant to you. 

I’m currently reading The Success Principles by Jack Canfield — Wow, what a great collection of insight and inspiration! So here’s to books, their authors, and the power of the written word!

Over the course of nearly two decades, I had tried everything I could think of to scare, manipulate, or force Dean to get clean, but my attempts always failed. It was only after I turned my focus inward that everything changed. I now realize that I had played a part in the power addiction had over my family. Once I learned how to detach with love, focus on my own goals, and set healthy boundaries, Dean was finally able to gather the courage to accept help. Had I not taken healthy steps of my own, I’m not sure where we’d be today.

Thankfully, I don’t have to ponder that question, because we are celebrating recovery. While life isn’t perfect, and we are facing new challenges, we are stronger because of the battle we’ve fought. In many ways we are lucky, because our eyes have been opened to the simple joys in life. I am thankful for the smaller problems we face today (debt, struggling business, car troubles), these are a piece of cake compared to the problems we had faced in the past.

While recovery is one day at a time, my family is proof that recovery is possible. Addiction can be managed, and the addict can go on to live a productive and healthy life. Today I celebrate having Sunday off with my family, enjoying the beautiful weather outside, spending time with my grown son and his new girlfriend, taking an afternoon nap with my husband (as soon as I finish this post), and of course, I celebrate recovery!

There is no certain amount of drinking that tells us somebody has an alcohol dependency. You can’t determine signs of alcoholism by whether or not a person consumes two drinks versus six. One person may have cocktails every night but show no signs of alcoholism, while another drinks only on the weekends and shows obvious signs.

Following are ten warning signs that social drinking may have crossed over to problem drinking:

1. Missing work or school due to late night partying.

2. A decline in energy levels and motivation.

3. Showing a lack of interest in activities that used to be important to them.

4. Intense mood swings that cause the people around him or her to feel as though they need to walk on eggshells.

5. A change in tolerance level. Maybe the person used to have two or three drinks at a function, but now they have five or six.

6. Becoming unreliable and missing regular appointments or activities.

7. Having blackouts or difficulty remembering what he or she did while drinking.

8. Telling lies to cover up their drinking.

9. Sleeping more than usual.

10. Having sudden financial difficulty.

If your loved one is showing any of these warning signs he or she may have a drinking problem. Awareness by family and friends is a start, but denial is a common symptom of alcoholism. It is likely that initial conversations around the topic of “a drinking problem” will result in a defensive response.

Family and friends can make a big difference in the recovery of alcoholism, but approaching the problem in the healthiest way is key. One of the best ways to learn how to help your loved one is through twelve-step programs such as Al-Anon. There are also online support groups, blogs, and websites that can help educate and prepare you for helping your loved one through this challenge.