Ten Warning Signs That You’re Loved One Has a Drinking Problem

August 24, 2011 at 2:35 am | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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In a society that not only accepts social drinking, but often expects it, how do you know if your loved one has a drinking problem? At work functions, family functions, and just about every party, drinks are often the common theme. So at what point does social drinking roll over into a drinking problem?

There is no certain amount of drinking that tells us somebody has an alcohol dependency. You can’t determine signs of alcoholism by whether or not a person consumes two drinks versus six. One person may have cocktails every night but show no signs of alcoholism, while another drinks only on the weekends and shows obvious signs.

Following are ten warning signs that social drinking may have crossed over to problem drinking:

1. Missing work or school due to late night partying.

2. A decline in energy levels and motivation.

3. Showing a lack of interest in activities that used to be important to them.

4. Intense mood swings that cause the people around him or her to feel as though they need to walk on eggshells.

5. A change in tolerance level. Maybe the person used to have two or three drinks at a function, but now they have five or six.

6. Becoming unreliable and missing regular appointments or activities.

7. Having blackouts or difficulty remembering what he or she did while drinking.

8. Telling lies to cover up their drinking.

9. Sleeping more than usual.

10. Having sudden financial difficulty.

If your loved one is showing any of these warning signs he or she may have a drinking problem. Awareness by family and friends is a start, but denial is a common symptom of alcoholism. It is likely that initial conversations around the topic of “a drinking problem” will result in a defensive response.

Family and friends can make a big difference in the recovery of alcoholism, but approaching the problem in the healthiest way is key. One of the best ways to learn how to help your loved one is through twelve-step programs such as Al-Anon. There are also online support groups, blogs, and websites that can help educate and prepare you for helping your loved one through this challenge.

Taking the First Step Toward Financial Recovery After Addiction

August 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction, Debt recovery, Financial Recovery | Leave a comment
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After two decades of addiction, my husband, Dean, had finally accepted treatment. He was on the right path and ready to begin a fresh start. As he returned home, clean and full of hope, the joy I felt for his long-awaited recovery was joined by the sobering reality of debt. Years of addiction had taken it’s toll on our finances, and it was difficult to deny the anger and resentment that surfaced along with the overdue bills and collection letters.

I was more than aware of our monetary problems, but, up to now, the addiction was the higher priority. I suppose that trying to deal with both issues at the same time was too overwhelming for me, so I buried my head in the sand when it came to our finances.

But now, as we entered this new chapter, we were forced to face the consequences of financial irresponsibility. With our credit cards maxed out, the equity in our home borrowed against (addiction treatment is not cheap), and our savings wiped out, a new challenge stood before us.

I understood how harmful stress can be on recovery. Money problems are enough to drive any marriage apart, when you add in the problems of addiction, it can be a devastating mix. I came to realize how important it was for me to accept responsibility for my own role in our debt.

Although I was the one in charge of managing our finances, I had allowed my husband’s threats, tantrums, and depression to break me down. I gave in, over and over again, handing him money that I knew we couldn’t afford. The addiction had zapped us both of our strength. Dean lacked the strength to say no to his drugs, and I lacked the strength to say no to Dean.

Knowing that continued resentment could only tear us apart and possibly lead to relapse, we made a pact to work together to get through this next hurdle. If our marriage could survive addiction, it could certainly survive the challenge of debt .

The first step was digging in and figuring out exactly where we stood. We sat down and listed the balances in our checking and savings accounts (which were alarmingly low), the amounts owed on credit cards (alarmingly high), and any outstanding loans. We made a list of our monthly expenses (looking for opportunities to cut down on certain expenses). Last, but not least, we reviewed our credit reports from each of the three Credit Bureaus:

Experian, http://www.experian.com

Equifax, http://www.equifax.com/home/en_us

TransUnion, https://www.transunion.com/　

While this process was difficult, it was also vital. Knowledge is power, and knowing where we stood made it possible to design a roadmap that would guide us out of our debt. Now, several years later, by following a plan and budget, we are nearly debt free.

Is it time to look at your own financial reality? Sometimes the hardest part can be facing the truth, but it’s the first and most important step. Once you know where you stand, you can make a plan. While addiction can cause long-lasting financial strain, through acceptance, forgiveness, and planning, you can overcome these effects and eventually achieve financial recovery.

Addiction and Denial: What Happens to the Family of the Addict?

August 1, 2011 at 4:51 am | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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Denial is a common stage for family members dealing with addiction. Throughout the course of my husband Dean’s addiction to alcohol and drugs I went through many years of denial. I didn’t want to admit the truth to friends, family members, or even to myself. I was filled with shame and felt like a failure because my marriage hadn’t turned out to be the fairy tale I’d dreamed of. But the first and biggest step toward my family’s recovery was acceptance. I came across this article by Marty Devins Chaplick, LMSW, which does a great job of addressing the issues of denial.  Here it is:

Articles have been written about drug addiction and the effect on the addict. My goal is to address the signs of substance abuse as well as the feelings and experiences family members have dealing with addiction in the family.

When I use the word “addiction” I am referring to alcohol and drug addiction. There are different stages that family members go through on this bumpy road of addiction. In this article I will describe one of the most common stages parents experience, denial.

Denial

Is my family member an addict? You may be asking yourself that question, or be confronted by a concerned friend. If the person in question is your teenage daughter or son your first thought will be denial.

Denial is easier to handle than the instant pain you might be feeling in your chest. The feeling that I am referring to is your gut feeling. When you have a “feeling about something, we often sense it in our body. In my life experiences, I have learned to go with my gut feeling. I have found that it is better to be safe than sorry.

Perhaps your thoughts might be:

  • NOT my child.
  • My precious child would never do drugs.
  • I’ve raised my child in a loving home.
  • My child knows right from wrong.
  • I’ve taught him, her to be a respected member of society.
  • We are educated people.
  • My child does not do drugs!
  • He does not have a problem with alcohol.
  • He knows addiction runs in the family.
  • He does not want to end up like his uncle, or aunt, cousins, grandparent, etc..
  • My child is just a normal teen. He likes to have a beer or two with his buddies on the weekend.

“Everyone tries it ” is a common belief among parents of today’s youth. There is a difference between “trying it” and substance abuse and addiction. It is important as a parent to keep your eyes open. 

We often make excuses for our family members substance abuse. For example:

  • “Billy drinks to drown out the sound of his parents fighting, he doesn’t have a problem.”
  • “Cindy needs to relax so she smokes weed every night.”
  • “Jared only gets drunk and passes out on the weekends. During the week Jared drinks a little but does not pass out. He must not have a problem.”
  • “Brenda needed those pills to relax. I don’t think she realized she took more than the doctor prescribed. Brenda seems out of it all of the time. But I don’t believe she is an addict.”
  • “My kid was at the ER with alcohol poisoning, high school boys do dumb things!”

Is this normal behavior or do these teens have a problem with alcohol or drugs? It is common to make excuses for family members when the thought of substance abuse is brought to our attention. It is much easier to be in denial, to look away from the problem. 

When confronted with the possibility that a family member may be an addict it is natural to deny it. It is not something we want to believe about someone we love. We may have our own suspicions from observations we have made. Other people may have brought the problem to our attention.

Sometimes we see some of the symptoms and make excuses for the person that we love. It is easier to believe our teenager is going through a difficult time, or is ill or suffering from depression. It is appropriate to consider all of the options when addressing Addiction.

If we are finding empty liquor bottles hidden in the closet, under the bathroom sink, in the car trunk, we still might look the other way. Admitting that someone we care about has an addiction can be terrifying.

Finding drug paraphernalia in our kid’s room should be a sign that there is a problem. Empty pill bottles, missing pills from parent’s medicine chest, missing money, secretive phone calls and texts can be a clue.

Did a concerned friend warn you that your teen is using drugs or alcohol? A warning may come from another parent or another student. Try using an open mind instead of being on the defensive immediately. Is there a possibility that your teen is using drugs? As a parent it is worth investigating, you might save the life of your child.

Substance Abuse

Substance abuse and addiction knows no boundaries. It affects all socio-economic backgrounds, races and religions. It happens in families with good parents, abusive parents, divorced parents, loving families, poor families, rich families, educated families, uneducated families. Substance abuse is everywhere. It might be in your own home.

There are signs to watch for if you are concerned that your family member is using drugs or alcohol. For example there may be changes in mood and behavior. The teen that was once outgoing is now withdrawn, isolating himself, changing friends, constantly ill, missing school, not doing homework, not participating in family activities.

Or the teen that was shy and withdrawn is suddenly hyper, has mood swings, is losing weight, not sleeping, and has different friends. He may have developed a bad attitude or disappears for extended periods of time. Depression, anxiety, and paranoia can also be signs of substance abuse.

Teenagers are known for being flighty and irresponsible, that is part of their charm. Most parents can attest to that! This is different than a teenager that suddenly becomes irresponsible, rude, with an “I don’t care about anything” attitude. Suicidal thoughts and self-harm are other signs to watch for.

If the drug or alcohol use becomes excessive the teen that once cared about his or her looks may appear messy or unkempt. The same teen may become involved in risky behavior and become sexually promiscuous.

Did your teen suddenly lose his or her job, or get into legal trouble? Does he have dark circles under his eyes, red eyes or dilated pupils? Is your teenager constantly sick with symptoms such as vomiting, diarrhea and constipation? Did they stop eating, or do they only eat candy? Drug addicts often eat sugar to feel better.

Does your loved one become agitated or have a short fuse? Have you ever been afraid of your own teen after he or she used drugs or alcohol? A teen with a substance abuse problem can become violent when coming off of drugs. As a parent there may come a time when outside help is needed. The safety of your teen as well as your family could be at risk.

Family systems are affected in a negative way when a teen faces a substance abuse problem. It is okay to ask for help when faced with addiction in the family. Contacting a licensed therapist or counselor should be the first step for an assessment.

Marty Devins Chaplick, LMSW
http://www.mdcserenitycounseling.com

Marty is a a Licensed Master of Social Work in the state of Kansas. Marty sees clients in the greater Kansas City area with a variety of mental health issues and life problems. In her private practice Marty offers individual psychotherapy sessions for women, men and adolescents. Marty also offers marriage and couple counseling as well as group therapy for those recently divorced, survivors of sexual abuse, anxiety, depression and more. Marty has two office locations in Overland Park

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6334528

Best Family Recovery Websites and Blogs

July 10, 2011 at 1:17 am | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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Over the course of the last several years, many people and groups have played a part in my family’s recovery process. I am amazed at the incredible support available, and I am saddened by the many years I felt alone and helpless. I now realize that I never needed to feel alone.

In today’s message, I wanted to share my favorite recovery websites and blogs. These are the sites that I subscribe to and continue to visit over and over again because they are filled with invaluable wisdom, resources, inspiration, and hope. I thought you might appreciate them as well. There are an overwhelming number of sites out there, so I’m sure I’ve missed some great ones. If you have any particular sites that you’ve found helpful, please pass them on to me, and I’ll include them in upcoming posts.

Here are my favorites:

http://www.hbo.com/addiction

I believe this is a must visit site for any person affected by addiction. Be sure to view “The Films” tab. Knowledge is power — and there is much knowledge to be gained here.

http://www.drug-addiction-help-now.org/blog

This blog, written by Joe Herzanek — founder of changing Lives Foundation and author of “Why Don’t They Just Quit” — provides substance abuse help to families in need.

http://12stepfamily.com

Recovery coach, Beverly Buncher, teaches families the tools to transform their lives.

http://www.dailystrength.org

Here you can join an online group where people share their knowledge, experiences, and support.

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org

This is a public service website meant to help you or a loved one overcome addiction.

http://www.recoveredfamily.com

Full of great blogs, articles, and advice for families dealing with addiction.

http://theaddictedfamily.blogspot.com

This site is full of invaluable information about drugs and addiction.

http://www.recoveryissexy.com

Once I subscribed to this site I was amazed at how many great articles were offered regarding addiction, codependency, and recovery.

http://www.nar-anon.org

The Nar-Anon family groups are a worldwide fellowship for those affected by someone else’s addiction.

So there’s my list of favorites. I hope you’ll find them as beneficial as I have. There is so much support available for families dealing with addiction. Recovery is a process, and these networks can help you to wade your way through. I also wanted to include the link to my website. If you haven’t visited it yet, I hope you’ll take some time to stop by!

http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com

Wishing you well!

Affirmations – The Power of Positive Thinking

June 8, 2011 at 5:09 pm | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Affirmations, Co-Addiction, Law of Attraction, Positive Thinking | Leave a comment
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For anybody who has read my book, they know that affirmations and the power of positive thinking played a big part in my own recovery from codependency. While it’s easy to blame all of our problems on the addict, we really can take control of our lives and make healthy changes, regardless of whether or not the addict ever gets clean.

I discovered, that by making my own improvements, and by focusing on my own goals, I created the best environment for my husband to accept help. He has now been clean for over six years, and I have no doubt that my own positive thinking lead the way. While you can not take the addiction away from your loved one, you can start to change your own thinking and mindset. Amazingly, this can have a miraculous effect on the healing of your entire family — I’ve witnessed this in my own life!

I came across this great article by Paige Mercer. It’s a nice introduction into the power of affirmations and the power of the mind:

A cliche that you usually hear from a movie or television show is, “It’s all in the mind.” When you hear this statement, it is being suggested that all the things that happen in your life, every little thing that you experience is brought about by your thinking. Yes, your mind is a powerful source of eventful situations. This is not unknown to many, especially to the people who have successfully made history in the world.

Positive affirmations are a facet of a law that governs the universe. This law has been here since the world began and it is connected to the minds of every human being. The law of attraction is the universal law that governs you and every other individual on earth. This law states that anything you conceive in your mind can easily be achieved. The law of attraction exempts no one; each person is under the power of this law.

What does this law have to do with positive affirmations? How does this bring about the mishaps in your life? Imagine that your mind is a magnet that attracts every small thing that it thinks of. Visualize yourself thinking about your troubles all throughout the day. What does your mind do? It attracts negative things so they happen to you. When you think about problems more than positive affirmations, more problems come to you. When you put yourself on the negative side of things, they crop up more and more. That is how the law of attraction works.

Now, how are you going to make the law work in your favor? The answer lies in positive thinking. The solution is in prioritizing favorable thoughts more than negative ones. Envision yourself having paid your home mortgage or having been promoted at work. See yourself successful and feel like success is already in your hands. Repeat these thoughts over and over until you vibrate them to the universe. Soon, the universe is going to give you what you attract. Soon, all your positive affirmations will be transformed into reality. That is exactly how you can let the law work in your favor.

The power of positive thinking has been proven for years. Many successful entrepreneurs and journalists have made their money using only these positive thoughts. The law does not work like magic; it is a law that works enigmatically.

If you want a rational explanation of these things, here it is:

When you focus yourself on positive affirmations, you do not only attract them to come to you; you also begin to act to get these things done. When you put your concentration on these things, they become part of you and you become them. This is the ultimate reason why you should think of things as though you already have them, so that they become part of you and you achieve them.

The same thing works for negative thoughts, but since these are detrimental for you, they should be thrown out of the window. If you let positive thoughts govern your life, there is nothing that you cannot have.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3841647

For more insight on this topic here is a list of my favorite books that teach these principles:

  • Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain
  • Manifest Your Destiny, Wayne Dyer
  • The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepok Chopra

And, my own book, Soaring Above Co-Addiction, has several chapters dedicated to the teachings of affirmations and visualization. I wish you all the best and I am available if you need somebody to talk to. Keep Soaring!

Soaring Above Co-Addiction Wins the 2011 National Indie Excellence Award!

June 3, 2011 at 2:04 am | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Book News, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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I am very excited to share that my book, Soaring Above Co-Addiction, won the 2011 national Indie Excellence Award for the Addiction/Recovery category! It was actually announced on May 15th, but I didn’t recieve the email that was supposed to go out. I just happened to come across a press release online last night, and to my suprise, their was my book listed as a winner. You can find a full listing of the winners and finalists at http://indieexcellence.com/ 

If you are in the Phoenix area this weekend I will be at the Chandler Public Library, downtown branch, at 11am, giving a free Soaring Above Co-Addiction Workshop. I hope you can join us!

Have a wonderful week!

 

 

How Families Can Help a Loved One To Sustained Recovery

May 14, 2011 at 11:32 pm | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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So your loved one finally accepts treatment. A wave of relief washes over the family. There is a glimmer of hope for a future free of the chaos. But the battle isn’t over. Treatment is just the beginning. There is no cure for addiction. a good treatment program teaches the addict how to avoid the pitfalls of relapse, but it can not eliminate the cravings to use.

Addiction to drugs or alcohol causes chemical changes in the brain. Because of these changes, the addict will be faced with a battle between their desire to live a clean life, and the brain’s signal to seek out and use drugs. As you can imagine, this will not be an easy fight. Our every function relies on the brain. How do you fight the very system that controls your decision-making? This is why recovery can be so challenging for the recovering addict.

The good news is that, with time, the brain can heal. Whether or not it can completely repair itself is still questionable, but the more time that passes, the more healing occurs. So what can you do to help your loved one achieve sustained recovery? Here are some key steps:

1) Get educated. Addiction is a confusing disease. It’s difficult to help another person if you don’t understand the problem. This includes understanding what your role has been in enabling your loved one. Family recovery groups, such as Al-anon, can be a great resource in teaching you the right and wrong ways to deal with an addict. There are also countless online resources that can teach you about addiction and it’s effects on the body and mind.

2) Reach out for help. People who are living with an addict often isolate themselves out of shame or embarrassment. Don’t make this mistake. More than ever you need the support of friends and loved ones. It can help to remember that, statistically, one in four people are affected by addiction. You are not alone. It’s time to shed any shame and allow people back into your life.

3) Allow the recovering addict to work their program. It’s actually quite common for family members to grow jealous or resentful of their loved one’s recovery group or aftercare program. It’s understandable really - they finally have their husband, wife, son, or daughter back (clean and sober), but they’re spending every evening away from home in the company of their group. Family members must understand that this is a vulnerable time for their loved one, and continuing their aftercare treatment is critical to long-term success.

4) Focus on yourself. This may seem like a selfish statement, but it’s one of the most important steps for family members to take. Each person should be working on their own mental and physical health. It can be just as easy to become preoccupied with the recovering addict as it was when he or she was using. Constantly looking for clues of relapse and waiting for your loved one to ‘mess up’ will only harm their recovery. When each person focuses on their own goals it creates a healthy environment that encourages continued sobriety.

5) Hold realistic expectations. Much like diabetes, addiction is a chronic disease. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, seventy percent of patients relapse after their first time in treatment. It’s not an easy fix. Recovery is a process that may include many relapses. This is a hard reality for families to face. This takes us back to step one (get educated). When you understand the battle your loved one is facing, and you’re doing your part to create a healthy environment, it improves the odds of success.

Here’s a promising statistic: over half of the people who receive treatment eventually achieve sustained recovery. Addiction recovery can be a long and rough road, but it is possible. While you can’t take away your loved one’s addiction, you can play a role in their recovery.

Learning to Let Go when You Love an Addict

April 16, 2011 at 9:16 pm | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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When you’re in a relationship with an addict, it can seem like an impossibility to separate yourself from the problems. You may convince yourself that it would be irresponsible – that if you’re not right there in the middle to attempt to salvage what’s left of your loved one’s job, reputation, and self-respect, that everything will just crumble around both of you and be destroyed.

Here’s the tough reality – things need to start crumbling around the addict in order for him or her to realize their need for help. I know that you believe you’re doing the right things when you help to save your loved one from losing their job, or going to jail, or saving them from whatever horrific thing is getting ready to happen. But in reality, instead of helping your loved one, you’re attempts may be helping the addiction. You could be making it is easier for the addict to continue drinking or using because the consequences aren’t bad enough to convince him or her to stop.

It can be difficult to let go and allow the addict to face the consequences of their actions. Especially since it can effect your own well-being as much as theirs. You don’t want your life to become more stressful. You don’t want your spouse to lose his or her job and leave you broke. You don’t want to admit to family and friends how bad things have gotten. So you do everything in your power to keep the outside world from finding out.

When it comes to the other people in our lives, especially the addict, we must learn to let go. We can’t make their choices for them. We can’t control what they do, and the more we try, the more out of control our own lives become.

Learning to let go and detach is a process, but you can learn to distance yourself from the troubles of addiction. It is about letting the addict handle their own problems. This does not mean that you stop caring. You can show compassion for the addict without their problems becoming yours, you can listen with a loving ear without taking on their responsibilities, and you can offer guidance without belittling.

Here are five tips for letting to:

1) Every day, do at least one thing just for you. This must be something for pure enjoyment. This doesn’t include things like cleaning the house, or going grocery shopping – even if you feel those things are enjoyable. Here are some suggestions: take a long warm bath, do fifteen minutes of meditation, go for a walk, treat yourself to a manicure, or visit a friend who makes you laugh.

2) Avoid feeling sorry for yourself or taking on the victim role. When you find yourself throwing a “pity party”, put an end to it as quickly as possible. Learning to let go is about embracing your own inner strength. This doesn’t mean you hold back from crying when you feel the need. It’s important to release those emotions. Get it out so that you can move on. But if your sadness doesn’t go away, please seek professional help. Depression is a serious medical condition, and you shouldn’t try to deal with it alone.

3) Let your loved one face their own consequences. This does not show a lack of love. On the contrary, it may be the most loving thing you can do. By constantly protecting your loved one, you may be preventing them from ever realizing their need for help.

4) Break free from isolation. Rebuild old friendships and take time to form new ones. Getting involved in healthy activities outside of the addictive environment is crucial to your well-being. An aerobics class, a reading group, church activities – the list goes on and on. Look for opportunities to spend time with people who are positive and leave you feeling good about yourself.

5) Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others when you need assistance, guidance, or a shoulder to cry on. You don’t have to face this battle alone. If you don’t know who to turn to, I suggest visiting an Al-Anon group. This is one of the best forms of support for those of us who are dealing with a loved one’s addiction.

As you move in this new direction, you will find yourself growing more and more confident. You are putting your focus back where it belongs – on you. You may find that you are not so emotionally attached to the addict anymore. You allow your loved one to make his or her own choices and face their own consequences. It can help to remember that with each mistake the addict makes, they are one step closer to realizing their need for help.

In the meantime, you start making healthy choices for yourself. You are setting a good example for your family. You are focusing on your positive future. You are getting strong – and that is the real purpose of letting go.

Why Doesn’t the Addict Seem to Care About Your Feelings?

April 10, 2011 at 8:27 pm | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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If you are in a relationship with an addict, you’ve most certainly had your moments of anger and frustration. Have you ever been left wondering why the addict doesn’t seem to care about your feelings? You could be sitting right next to the addict, clearly holding a grudge, yet the addict doesn’t seem to register that anything is wrong? Would it surprise you to find out that moderate to heavy drug abusers have a difficult time spotting negative reactions? That the drugs have affected that part of their brain?

According to a new study: Impact of severity of drug use on discrete emotions recognition in polysubstance abusers, drug addicts have a reduced ability to identify grief, fright, rage, and disgust. It also found that temporary dicontinuation of drugs doesn’t help. Obviously, brain damage has taken place, and it takes time in sustained recovery for brain healing to start.

This could lend an explanation to treatment failure, continued hostile behavior, and the interpersonal problems that addicts struggle with. The good news here is that, while it doesn’t take away our own frustrations, we are learning more about this baffling disease. It is also further proof that arguments don’t work, so it’s important for family members to learn healthier ways to deal with the addict.

For more information about this new study visit http://fyiliving.com/research/substance-abusers-unable-to-distinguish-negative-emotions/

How to Listen to Your Dreams for Guidance

April 2, 2011 at 6:10 pm | Posted in Addiction Recovery, Co-Addiction | Leave a comment
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Are you taking advantage of the incredible insight of your dreams? If not, you should be. Your dreams are full of wisdom. It is one of the ways that your inner guide speaks to you. Some people don’t think that they dream, but everybody does. Many times, dreams are just forgotten within moments of waking up.

It is a good idea to keep a notepad and pen close to your bedside for those times when you wake up and recall a dream. Don’t worry about figuring out its meaning right then, just write down any details that you can remember. You can go back later, when you are wide awake, and look for any messages.

There is no doubt that many dreams seem to be nothing but silliness. Then there are the dreams that stick with you. The ones you think about all day long and sometimes even days or weeks after. These dreams are carrying a message. These are called “epiphany” dreams. I had a dream like this at a time when my husband was struggling with addiction. Even now, years later, I get a sinking feeling just thinking about it.

In this dream, I discovered that my husband, Dean, had murdered a woman. Fearful that he would be caught, and the entire world would know what he had done, I helped him to bury this woman’s remains in our backyard. As we dug up the dirt, other limbs and body parts started to come to the surface. Our yard was filled with the remains of other women.

We finished burying the last of the evidence just before the sound of sirens filled the air. When the police arrived, they gave me a truth serum to get me to talk. When the truth came out, I felt an immediate sense of relief.

As I attempted to analyze my dream it became clear to me what the message was. At first I couldn’t figure out all of the dead women. But then I realized that the women in the dream were all me. They represented the many times my husband’s addiction hurt me.

In the dream I did exactly what I was doing in real life – I helped him to cover up the evidence. The dream showed me that I had become so fearful of our family and friends knowing the truth that I was willing to help him hide his addiction.

The thing that really stuck with me was the sense of relief I felt once the truth came out. More than anything, I believe this was the message intended. This dream came to me as I was starting to make progress on my own recovery from co-addiction. It was shortly after this dream that I gathered the courage to do exactly what it was suggesting. I opened up to my family and let the secret out. This was the starting point for my family’s recovery.

The messages contained in your dreams are often revealed through symbols and codes, which can make them challenging to understand. Some codes will be personal to each dreamer. Others are more universal. As you begin to pay attention to your dreams, you will notice this symbolic language showing up. The meanings are often not clear-cut. They will depend on each person and what is going on in his or her life.

There are many books and online resources that can help you learn about the meanings of dreams, but don’t underestimate your own ability to break the codes. You know better than anybody what your current fears, concerns, or circumstances are. The key to deciphering your dreams is to keep an open mind. With time and practice, you will learn the language.

Your dreams enable you to delve deep into your subconscious mind. While they may be difficult to decipher, don’t make the mistake of dismissing their importance. Take special notice of any dreams that are recurring or those that leave a lasting impression. Dreaming gives your inner guide an opportunity to communicate with you. By paying attention to its messages, you are offered a greater understanding of yourself.

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